I've Missed You'
by Aerilon452
Summary: James and John share a moment after will leaves them alone.    NOTE: Slight implied Slash


Summary: John and James share a moment after Will leaves.

Disclaimer: I own nothing of Sanctuary

Rating: K

Pairing: John and James

'**I'VE MISSED YOU'**

John watched as Will left the room. It was just he and James now and that was what John wanted. Rising from his spot on the couch John stalked over to James in time for his old friend to look up at him. John braced his arms on the back rest of James chair and leaned down putting his face very close to Watson's. "What's the real reason you're here?" John asked his voice dark and suspicious. He was sure that James was remembering certain days and John wasn't sure if he wanted to banish those thoughts from his mind or keep them. The memories reminded him of a life that he would never live again.

James leaned back in the chair as much as he could. It wasn't that he wanted to lean away, but John was unpredictable in his current state. James would be wise not to underestimate him again, not like he had all those years ago in London . Constant guilt at missing the obvious ate away at James. "You know the reason." He answered looking up in the enigmatic blue eyes that he had once known so well. James gripped the arm rests and tried to fight the flood of images that collided in his mind. They were memories James would rather not remember; the bitter sweet pleasure was not worth the pain. When they had all been together the blood had bound them very tightly together, but even in that bond another one had formed. Helen, John, and James had formed a little triumvirate.

"Do I?" John asked in his usual teasing manner. He knew that his tone would take James back to a certain day. It was a day that James had become more than a friend and it was a day John cherished in the back of his mind. That was a day that he had never dared to speak of, not even to Helen. They had been sharing drinks at the reform club, engaging in debates, and then the next thing they knew it was late into the night and James' residence was just around the corner. Rather then go all the way to his own apartment John opted to stay with his friend, only after James insisted. He knew he had had too much to drink.

"I came here to see you, you know that." James admitted. It was why he was really in Helen's Sanctuary; John. James had wanted to see John again. Before the blood he never would have entertained thoughts of John other than John being his best friend. But the blood had changed everything. It was the night that John had gotten so drunk that James didn't think it safe for him to use his powers. John might have ended up inside a tree or somewhere else. Together they made it to his apartment where their drunken brains had taken them down a path that they never would have traveled sober. Watson thought he would have felt wracked with guilt after waking up with John at his back and John's right arm draped over his waist. James slowly detached himself from John's sleepy hold to look down at his best friend. John was on his side with his left arm under his head as his brown hair shadowed his face. His right arm was stretched out while the white sheet rode low on his waist. Tentatively James reached out and lightly ran his fingers over John's. To this day whenever James thought of the old John; he thought of John asleep in his bed with the morning sun streaming over him.

John closed his eyes and let the images play out in his mind. On impulse John placed his forehead to James's while he used his right hand to cup James's cheek. Turning on Helen had destroyed him, but betraying James was the final nail in his coffin. He could never go back and make it right, not between him and James or between himself and Helen. John was stuck forever wanting and never knowing peace. He remembered that morning all to well. James had studied him for a few minutes while John feigned sleep. His mind raced as he tried to recollect what had happened and only came up with scattered images of hands and lips and clothes. Upon the realization he had spent a night with his best friend while betraying the woman he loved so completely; the guilt should have been immediate, but none came. In the light of day back then he was still John and James was still his best friend and John still loved Helen with his whole heart and soul.

James felt the air leave his lungs at the contact of John's skin. The sensory memory it triggered was too strong for James not to react to it. Reaching up he used both of his hands to cup John's face. This was the contact he had been missing for so long. "I have missed you John." James breathed out and felt John smile. Just in this stolen moment James could remember without feeling guilty. He could only feel deep affection for John and a deep need to have things back the way they had been before the Ripper had torn their world apart. James would have reordered time just to have his best friend back without the scar of blood, of evil, on his hands and soul.

**OUTSIDE THE DOOR:**

Helen had heard from Will that both James and John were in her office reminiscing over Brandy's and bantering. Knowing the both of them they were about ready to get back into the Ripper debate and she thought it a good idea to break them up before glasses were thrown and glass littered the floor of her office. But when she got to the open door it was not raised voices she heard. Instead she saw John standing over James with their foreheads touching and James with his hands cupping John's face. She knew that they had been close but not the kind of closeness they were displaying. Helen's heart lurched at the sight of them. James and John looked a little too beautiful together. But it was more than that. Helen realized that on some level James had forgiven John. If James could forgive him for the past then maybe Helen could do the same in time.


End file.
